With Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer
The author lies in darkness, his hand on keys. Fingers tapping away. Lacking ideas, he does what one does in this situation. He goes meta. He writes about the story he is now writing. This is clever because it is self aware and absurd and no one has ever done it before. The very fact that he jokes about this is also self aware and meta and therefore hilarious. He congratulates himself on this. He has a little chuckle. It feels cheap and easy, though. This makes him sad, makes him feel like he should write something deep. Something introspective. And so he looks into his soul, and he remembers the moment he found out his father was cheating on his mother with the dishwasher.
When he writes "dishwasher," which he just did in the previous paragraph, he is referring not to some sort of hired help or "dish boy;" he is referring instead to the Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher with Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer. This was the model of dishwasher the author filled with dirty dishes as a child and which his father used to different ends.
The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher with Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer was (and is) an admirable machine, lined with aluminum and of robust manufacture rare in this age of planned obsolescence. Though he does not share his father's strange sexual taste, it does strike him that were he forced to couple with a dishwasher one could do worse than to choose The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher with Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer.
It was seeing his father's strange, loving cradling of the eponymous chef's tool drawer that clued him in to the strange affair. He recollects a horrible moment, this moment being the time when he returned from school early and witnessed the man he most respected in a lover's embrace with the Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher's adjustable chef's tool drawer, said drawer he had detached from the Thermador Star Sapphire.
On recalling this painful memory, the author notices that, despite the mentioned pain, this chef's tools drawer does seem a useful feature, it being a third rack whose presence allows the self-described "home chef" a separate, special and reserved place for their mentioned "chef's tools," a rack built to allow the various odd and sundry shapes of home chef's tools.
And though the author does not share his father's disgusting fetish for dishwashers, it being absurd to expect this to be genetic given the lack of dishwashers in humanity's ancestral environment, he does think to himself that it would, maybe, be nice to have one around as a sort of friends-with-benefits situation. The benefits being, of course, the various benefits provided by clean dishes and not the carnal benefits his father craved.
And he does realize that the reader may find his choice of words suspect. He does realize the reader may suspect that the moment in which he watched his father gaze lovingly at The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher with Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer whilst holding its detached chef's tools drawer may have imprinted on him more deeply than he realizes. The reader may suspect that the trauma of witnessing his father's ardor may be causing him to recapitulate the same problematic behavior that destroyed his parents' marriage. But having reflected long and hard, the author is sure that his primary motivation is an instrumental desire for the chef tool drawer. And perhaps a platonic, aesthetic appreciation for The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher with Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer - this appreciation being perfectly normal, the same appreciation anyone has for a well-made industrial object.
And so the author takes a break from writing and goes to Amazon and finds a very enticing The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher with Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer that is just begging to be purchased. And he clicks "Buy Now."
And now he thinks about this strange digression, and how he got there. He was unsatisfied with his writer's block forcing him to resort to the metafictional, and so he hoped to reveal some secret truth about his inner self and hidden desires. But instead he just purchased The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher with Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer.
Sometimes a story doesn't have a satisfying ending, he thinks. Sometimes there aren't secret hidden desires or traumas. The world isn't like The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher's adjustable chef's tool drawer, where everything can fit nicely regardless of its shape. And the world isn't like The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher's washing cycle whose dramatic aquatic crescendo is followed by a melancholic and narratively satisfying drying cycle. Sometimes, things end in an unsatisfying manner, a little like what happens when you open the Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher before it finishes the mentioned drying cycle and use the dishes right away - this the author promises to never do to his beloved The Thermador Star Sapphire 24 Inch Wide 16 Place Setting Built-In Top Control Dishwasher with Adjustable Chef's Tool Drawer.